








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1224 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,605 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2269 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1998 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1511 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1827 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $391,046 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tuna | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | -Juiceeeeee | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Jtman979 | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | Phillip | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Bartmane | 51% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Bartmane | 51% | 47 |
| #6 | kn | 49% | 35 |
| #7 | Fl4tLined | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | Futt_Bucker | 44% | 25 |
| #9 | bunger | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bartmane | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | Futt_Bucker | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillip | 172 | 0.30 | 3 min |
| #2 | Fl4tLined | 148 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bartmane | 117 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jtman979 | 115 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | Futt_Bucker | 69 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bartmane | +1.91 | 78 | 56 |
| #2 | tuna | +1.31 | 60 | 56 |
| #3 | Phillip | +1.18 | 59 | 57 |
| #4 | Schmo Schmoney | +0.73 | 59 | 70 |
| #5 | -Juiceeeeee | +0.33 | 66 | 68 |





