








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 117 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2033 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,746 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1811 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1667 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 732 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1536 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $721,634 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KOEN1G | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | -)-)Zeus(-(- | 66% | 29 |
| #3 | Holtzi | 65% | 17 |
| #4 | Adapa | 61% | 23 |
| #5 | stev.v | 59% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stev.v | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | rdNNN *.* | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | -)-)Zeus(-(- | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Adapa | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Holtzi | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stev.v | 473 | 0.25 | 12 min |
| #2 | -)-)Zeus(-(- | 130 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | rdNNN *.* | 115 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Adapa | 50 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | mix0Rwhat- | 46 | 0.12 | 1 min |





