








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
922 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,003 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 743 | 25% |
| Smokes | 933 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 384 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 943 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $498,525 of utility $219 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varro | 57% | 51 |
| #2 | maxloo2 | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | ♿DJ♿ | 51% | 68 |
| #4 | Siu__Fat | 47% | 36 |
| #5 | Novel | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Novel | 47% | 17 |
| #6 | ming5ming | 44% | 48 |
| #7 | i go to school by bus | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | LAMBABY | 38% | 8 |
| #9 | KuGoo | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿DJ♿ | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | ming5ming | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Novel | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | KuGoo | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | LAMBABY | 1 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varro | 214 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #2 | ming5ming | 143 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | ♿DJ♿ | 135 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Siu__Fat | 104 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | maxloo2 | 46 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varro | +3.68 | 81 | 73 |
| #2 | maxloo2 | +1.83 | 54 | 59 |
| #3 | ming5ming | +0.64 | 62 | 50 |
| #4 | LAMBABY | +0.25 | 46 | 56 |
| #5 | i go to school by bus | -0.31 | 77 | 51 |





