








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 191 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1051 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,628 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 702 | 19% |
| Smokes | 867 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1288 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 771 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $178,189 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | SG94 | 52% | 48 |
| #8 | Gisela Herbert | 50% | 18 |
| #9 | Smitty Werben Jagger Man Jensen | 46% | 39 |
| #10 | BuNi | 41% | 41 |
| #11 | Steinmeier | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jonah2804 | 3 | 0.0205 |
| #2 | BuNi | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | schlauchkefer | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | SG94 | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Smitty Werben Jagger Man Jensen | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smitty Werben Jagger Man Jensen | 114 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | BuNi | 77 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gisela Herbert | 77 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | SG94 | 76 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | schlauchkefer | 63 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 六九S1CKFRIED六九 | +4.63 | 76 | 78 |
| #2 | Jonah2804 | +2.81 | 91 | 79 |
| #3 | Smitty Werben Jagger Man Jensen | +1.31 | 58 | 67 |
| #4 | Matthew Broderick | +1.28 | 76 | 67 |
| #5 | Timo die Aim Lockomotive | +1.03 | 75 | 62 |





