








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2280 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,633 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1703 | 30% |
| Smokes | 741 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1882 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1307 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $865,024 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Happy Llama | 38% | 26 |
| #8 | poffertjesheer | 37% | 169 |
| #9 | Flumpltn | 36% | 14 |
| #10 | GrobarJug-iwnl- | 35% | 52 |
| #11 | Tenny | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :3 | 15 | 0.0124 |
| #2 | Silver Gamer | 9 | 0.0169 |
| #3 | poffertjesheer | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Happy Llama | 5 | 0.0101 |
| #5 | Flumpltn | 5 | 0.0175 |





