








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
914 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,806 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 531 | 19% |
| Smokes | 789 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 829 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 657 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $466,875 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mark | 65% | 48 |
| #2 | DaDinkster | 61% | 93 |
| #3 | Acticn | 61% | 69 |
| #4 | Beamturtle | 53% | 51 |
| #5 | Deerflipper | 53% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deerflipper | 11 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Slitherman | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Acticn | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Beamturtle | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | mark | 4 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slitherman | 203 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | DaDinkster | 123 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Deerflipper | 81 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Acticn | 80 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | mark | 61 | 0.06 | 2 min |





