








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 216 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2297 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,795 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3742 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3966 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1387 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2700 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,091 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | REALLYLAZY | 49% | 165 |
| #6 | druuuuuuuuuuu | 49% | 206 |
| #7 | chuckyqueso | 45% | 20 |
| #8 | MakoTaco | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | chrischaan | 32% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hobbes | 12 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | REALLYLAZY | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | druuuuuuuuuuu | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Erik | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | chuckyqueso | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hobbes | 587 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #2 | druuuuuuuuuuu | 572 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #3 | REALLYLAZY | 501 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | Erik | 107 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | chuckyqueso | 75 | 0.16 | 2 min |





