








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 194 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 82 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1810 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1452 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1685 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2391 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1957 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $591,298 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Habibi | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Mezzi | 53% | 133 |
| #3 | Melluski ヅ | 48% | 117 |
| #4 | crw | 41% | 59 |
| #5 | Ghostt | 41% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Melluski ヅ | 48% | 117 |
| #4 | crw | 41% | 59 |
| #5 | Ghostt | 41% | 59 |
| #6 | Bork | 40% | 57 |
| #7 | Honor | 36% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melluski ヅ | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Mezzi | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Habibi | 4 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Ghostt | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | crw | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melluski ヅ | 389 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | Bork | 117 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ghostt | 89 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Mezzi | 84 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Honor | 77 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melluski ヅ | +1.18 | 64 | 62 |
| #2 | Ghostt | +0.69 | 77 | 52 |
| #3 | Mad | +0.47 | 68 | 61 |
| #4 | Habibi | +0.29 | 47 | 50 |
| #5 | crw | -0.18 | 74 | 43 |





