








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 289 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2239 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,470 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2871 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2433 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2890 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2276 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,051,482 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mta | 10 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | G1zm0 | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Pepsipowers | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Schrödinger's silver | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Phil_McCrack | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phil_McCrack | 378 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #2 | G1zm0 | 373 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Schrödinger's silver | 357 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | morkeno | 248 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #5 | Mta | 171 | 0.06 | 4 min |





