








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 424 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 362 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3042 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,441 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4800 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5140 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3483 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2018 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,734,490 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 329 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baltog | 50% | 151 |
| #2 | roddy- | 49% | 93 |
| #3 | How | 47% | 226 |
| #4 | zooloff | 47% | 107 |
| #5 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 47% | 204 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 529 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #2 | How | 266 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | Baltog | 213 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | OHKAY | 156 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | zooloff | 139 | 0.06 | 4 min |





