








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 533 matches | ||
| Faceit | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5907 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,805 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4583 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5325 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5566 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4331 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,424,044 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Baltog | 48% | 307 |
| #7 | Stone Cold Steve Autism | 47% | 226 |
| #8 | BK | 47% | 93 |
| #9 | OHKAY | 46% | 255 |
| #10 | rampageblzn | 44% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 20 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | zooloff | 16 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Baltog | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Stone Cold Steve Autism | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | rampageblzn | 5 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 1024 | 0.11 | 25 min |
| #2 | OHKAY | 539 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #3 | zooloff | 504 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #4 | Stone Cold Steve Autism | 455 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | Baltog | 381 | 0.06 | 8 min |





