








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 342 matches | ||
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4762 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,586 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5712 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5889 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5547 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4438 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $847,517 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zooloff | 49% | 235 |
| #2 | rampageblzn | 47% | 234 |
| #3 | BK | 47% | 89 |
| #4 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 47% | 280 |
| #5 | Baltog | 47% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | BK | 47% | 89 |
| #4 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 47% | 280 |
| #5 | Baltog | 47% | 68 |
| #6 | How | 46% | 255 |
| #7 | Stone Cold Steve Autism | 42% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 16 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | zooloff | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | rampageblzn | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | How | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | BK | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 651 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #2 | rampageblzn | 515 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #3 | zooloff | 424 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #4 | How | 297 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #5 | BK | 239 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OHKAY | +2.50 | 72 | 76 |
| #2 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | +0.04 | 68 | 69 |
| #3 | BK | -0.41 | 54 | 69 |
| #4 | How | -0.42 | 64 | 60 |
| #5 | rampageblzn | -0.45 | 78 | 72 |





