








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 492 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5309 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,419 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4923 | 23% |
| Smokes | 7612 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 3249 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 5635 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,709,861 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 747 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✦ rezzi | 60% | 63 |
| #2 | Pitta | 60% | 35 |
| #3 | Mickey シ | 57% | 47 |
| #4 | Egg Yolk | 53% | 60 |
| #5 | St0rmb0rn™ | 49% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Walter P. Malone | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Crankill | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Chenn | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Gurk 42 | 7 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | St0rmb0rn™ | 685 | 0.22 | 15 min |
| #2 | Walter P. Malone | 682 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #3 | Crankill | 501 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #4 | Chenn | 483 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #5 | 𝙏𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 | 448 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mickey シ | +6.02 | 94 | 84 |
| #2 | Chenn | +2.74 | 82 | 71 |
| #3 | Gurk 42 | +1.67 | 71 | 62 |
| #4 | Crankill | +1.02 | 69 | 61 |
| #5 | Walter P. Malone | +0.87 | 67 | 68 |





