








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2512 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 833 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Esplay | 42 matches | 2,093 | |
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Renown | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




103 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 39,360 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12454 | 32% |
| Smokes | 9727 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7571 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 9608 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,874,797 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jkm | 58% | 312 |
| #2 | Gentlesir | 56% | 427 |
| #3 | OnlyBlade | 55% | 191 |
| #4 | Blinking Shoes | 53% | 490 |
| #5 | Newport Abuser | 53% | 574 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Gentlesir | 56% | 427 |
| #3 | OnlyBlade | 55% | 191 |
| #4 | Blinking Shoes | 53% | 490 |
| #5 | Newport Abuser | 53% | 574 |
| #6 | SPiRO | 51% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blinking Shoes | 64 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Gentlesir | 56 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | Newport Abuser | 15 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | jkm | 12 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | OnlyBlade | 10 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jkm | 1753 | 0.30 | 55 min |
| #2 | Newport Abuser | 1554 | 0.14 | 36 min |
| #3 | Blinking Shoes | 1434 | 0.15 | 31 min |
| #4 | OnlyBlade | 1286 | 0.33 | 40 min |
| #5 | Gentlesir | 1234 | 0.15 | 25 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asdasd | +2.14 | 85 | 67 |
| #2 | Blinking Shoes | +1.06 | 79 | 66 |
| #3 | jkm | +0.46 | 81 | 76 |
| #4 | OnlyBlade | -0.08 | 65 | 76 |
| #5 | SPiRO | -0.33 | 70 | 71 |





