








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 109 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1082 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,740 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 735 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1354 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1365 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1286 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $617,999 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 607 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemold | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | not yall | 47% | 74 |
| #3 | kvinde elsker | 46% | 37 |
| #4 | ilovespurs | 45% | 11 |
| #5 | Pyr0 | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Pyr0 | 44% | 9 |
| #6 | Tropisk #Wrocław #MrMakeItHappen | 38% | 13 |
| #7 | Rizzmus | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | あほ Fajfer | 36% | 14 |
| #9 | Da best | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pyr0 | 5 | 0.0314 |
| #2 | Da best | 4 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | kvinde elsker | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | ilovespurs | 2 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | not yall | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | not yall | 243 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #2 | kvinde elsker | 96 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | あほ Fajfer | 74 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | Da best | 66 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hemold | 30 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemold | +3.88 | 74 | 78 |
| #2 | ilovespurs | +2.50 | 69 | 63 |
| #3 | あほ Fajfer | +1.73 | 76 | 69 |
| #4 | Da best | +1.13 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | not yall | +0.78 | 74 | 67 |





