








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 461 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,764 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1523 | 32% |
| Smokes | 928 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1340 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 973 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $354,968 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 303 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stagodorus | 57% | 35 |
| #2 | DROP.FORESKIN | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Charles | 54% | 93 |
| #4 | Lewis | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | UNCLE | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | DROP.FORESKIN | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Charles | 54% | 93 |
| #4 | Lewis | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | UNCLE | 50% | 10 |
| #6 | Fatman420 | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles | 12 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | Lewis | 6 | 0.0288 |
| #3 | UNCLE | 6 | 0.0313 |
| #4 | Stagodorus | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | DROP.FORESKIN | 2 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles | 284 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | DROP.FORESKIN | 117 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| #3 | Stagodorus | 104 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | UNCLE | 54 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fatman420 | 30 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLE | +4.56 | 71 | 72 |
| #2 | Charles | +1.74 | 69 | 59 |
| #3 | tammy gaming | +1.00 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | Fatman420 | -0.18 | 58 | 29 |
| #5 | Lewis | -2.35 | 81 | 48 |





