








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
252 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 891 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 204 | 23% |
| Smokes | 235 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 292 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 160 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $110,822 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DONPAPI | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Bongo | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | LewdTenant | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | timid | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | CHRISTINAFKNBMWFRK | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wperches | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | birdiemaster | 1 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | cream 3.14 | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wperches | 102 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | LewdTenant | 44 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #3 | birdiemaster | 15 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | CHRISTINAFKNBMWFRK | 11 | 0.26 | 0 min |
| #5 | cream 3.14 | 8 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHRISTINAFKNBMWFRK | +11.71 | 87 | 64 |
| #2 | LewdTenant | +3.04 | 65 | 46 |
| #3 | wperches | +2.74 | 79 | 71 |
| #4 | cream 3.14 | +2.41 | 80 | 67 |
| #5 | Bongo | +0.21 | 90 | 59 |





