








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 686 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Faceit | 143 matches | ||
| Esplay | 23 matches | 1,860 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3168 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,980 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3965 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4134 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4309 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3572 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,270,704 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 343 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mange | 61% | 57 |
| #2 | hormuki | 59% | 27 |
| #3 | Sebz | 59% | 116 |
| #4 | VolvoRider | 55% | 38 |
| #5 | jonkajibb | 54% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stack Overdog | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | nALLEn☁ | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | sauronlol | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | VolvoRider | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | jonkajibb | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stack Overdog | 1498 | 0.21 | 40 min |
| #2 | nALLEn☁ | 1449 | 0.19 | 45 min |
| #3 | jonkajibb | 174 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Sebz | 161 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | sauronlol | 154 | 0.10 | 4 min |





