








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 136 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1811 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,930 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2977 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2383 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1949 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1621 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $315,250 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Golden | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | Yoda | 55% | 42 |
| #3 | IKSYGREK | 54% | 85 |
| #4 | Mr. SataN | 54% | 69 |
| #5 | Cardifus | 53% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Cardifus | 53% | 103 |
| #6 | TaiVa | 50% | 10 |
| #7 | dustiN | 50% | 62 |
| #8 | recnad | 49% | 89 |
| #9 | M4ntel | 47% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yoda | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | recnad | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | IKSYGREK | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Mr. SataN | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | M4ntel | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cardifus | 245 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | Mr. SataN | 162 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | IKSYGREK | 160 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | recnad | 151 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | dustiN | 137 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cardifus | +2.87 | 86 | 67 |
| #2 | SighteN | +0.23 | 62 | 70 |
| #3 | Yoda | -0.04 | 56 | 56 |
| #4 | IKSYGREK | -0.20 | 58 | 61 |
| #5 | TaiVa | -0.54 | 32 | 77 |





