








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 679 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 316 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3190 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,799 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2376 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2870 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3577 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2976 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,302,261 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 140 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurkuS | 60% | 218 |
| #2 | Kimbo | 59% | 91 |
| #3 | smpa | 57% | 87 |
| #4 | .Nov | 56% | 193 |
| #5 | TER0_PANEE | 55% | 278 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | retr0 | 55% | 186 |
| #7 | J'ket | 53% | 122 |
| #8 | KALAMIES -_- | 50% | 24 |
| #9 | HAL 9000 | 50% | 48 |
| #10 | Yung Mowgli | 48% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurkuS | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | .Nov | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | J'ket | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | TER0_PANEE | 2 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | KALAMIES -_- | 2 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .Nov | 1189 | 0.28 | 33 min |
| #2 | lurkuS | 972 | 0.20 | 32 min |
| #3 | TER0_PANEE | 486 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #4 | retr0 | 428 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #5 | J'ket | 267 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurkuS | +3.89 | 80 | 82 |
| #2 | J'ket | +1.64 | 82 | 59 |
| #3 | smpa | +0.02 | 71 | 41 |
| #4 | Nicholas Gace | -0.00 | 81 | 66 |
| #5 | TER0_PANEE | -0.29 | 71 | 63 |





