








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 650 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 318 matches | ||
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10272 | 42% |
| Smokes | 5875 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4734 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3390 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,004,388 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 148 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurkuS | 60% | 289 |
| #2 | Danny | LF Coach | 59% | 32 |
| #3 | Nicholas Gace | 56% | 193 |
| #4 | J'ket | 56% | 130 |
| #5 | Kimbo | 54% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | TER0_PANEE | 54% | 285 |
| #7 | smpa | 53% | 125 |
| #8 | retr0 | 53% | 234 |
| #9 | HAL 9000 | 50% | 76 |
| #10 | KALAMIES -_- | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurkuS | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | TER0_PANEE | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | retr0 | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Nicholas Gace | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | J'ket | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurkuS | 1365 | 0.22 | 42 min |
| #2 | retr0 | 551 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | TER0_PANEE | 505 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #4 | Nicholas Gace | 408 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | Kimbo | 290 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Danny | LF Coach | +5.19 | 94 | 58 |
| #2 | lurkuS | +4.48 | 81 | 83 |
| #3 | J'ket | +1.34 | 81 | 60 |
| #4 | Nicholas Gace | -0.11 | 81 | 64 |
| #5 | smpa | -0.19 | 77 | 47 |





