








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 592 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 611 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,148 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3144 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3747 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4096 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4161 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,216,576 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Hanso | 51% | 70 |
| #8 | [Greed]FELOX THE STAMPEDE | 51% | 39 |
| #9 | ProfessorDrKinese | 47% | 94 |
| #10 | ~Flame-On~ | 46% | 48 |
| #11 | ALEBABA | 42% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrFunny | 15 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | ProfessorDrKinese | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | [Greed]FELOX THE STAMPEDE | 7 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | ALEBABA | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | [LNS]Phoenix | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ProfessorDrKinese | 269 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | DrFunny | 206 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Hanso 2 | 188 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | [LNS]Phoenix | 166 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #5 | Hanso | 116 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrFunny | +4.27 | 79 | 73 |
| #2 | ProfessorDrKinese | +3.54 | 80 | 74 |
| #3 | Hanso 2 | +2.82 | 83 | 58 |
| #4 | [LNS]Phoenix | +2.53 | 76 | 51 |
| #5 | Hanso | +2.35 | 86 | 63 |





