








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 138 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 121 matches | ||
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Esplay | 7 matches | 1,871 | |
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2013 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2002 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3411 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2549 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $970,768 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 345 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | .:<^-⌜SwedenZero⌟ ◢◤ | 54% | 177 |
| #4 | bachii | 54% | 186 |
| #5 | Billy Herrington | 52% | 107 |
| #6 | Toerstig | 51% | 243 |
| #7 | Varning | 51% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toerstig | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Varning | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | .:<^-⌜SwedenZero⌟ ◢◤ | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | bachii | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Billy Herrington | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toerstig | 708 | 0.14 | 19 min |
| #2 | Varning | 504 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | .:<^-⌜SwedenZero⌟ ◢◤ | 265 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #4 | bachii | 141 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Billy Herrington | 107 | 0.05 | 3 min |





