








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
614 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,737 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 832 | 30% |
| Smokes | 518 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 738 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 649 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,044 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bekker | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | ZaeteR | 56% | 48 |
| #3 | TrevorLahey69 | 55% | 49 |
| #4 | Enetoft | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | PsyenZ | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TrevorLahey69 | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | ZaeteR | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | PsyenZ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Enetoft | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PsyenZ | 116 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | ZaeteR | 110 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | TrevorLahey69 | 57 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | qtz | 56 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | Bekker | 24 | 0.24 | 1 min |





