








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 199 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1549 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,684 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 605 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1620 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 701 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 758 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $715,303 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 200 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mod | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | yAMI | 58% | 60 |
| #3 | boby | 53% | 85 |
| #4 | Ballpark Frank | 52% | 106 |
| #5 | sam100 | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | yoshi_spitting_juice.wav | 50% | 24 |
| #8 | jolms | 50% | 74 |
| #9 | Hipot | 48% | 58 |
| #10 | charles | 44% | 45 |
| #11 | keeeeeeef | 32% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boby | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Ballpark Frank | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | yAMI | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | yoshi_spitting_juice.wav | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Sergei Jerkmenoff | 1 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ballpark Frank | 228 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | jolms | 187 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | charles | 120 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | boby | 112 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hipot | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yAMI | +5.35 | 89 | 60 |
| #2 | boby | +1.15 | 74 | 59 |
| #3 | Hipot | +0.42 | 58 | 56 |
| #4 | Swampy! | +0.42 | 67 | 43 |
| #5 | mod | +0.04 | 84 | 63 |





