








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 254 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2888 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,743 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1980 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1724 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2274 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1765 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,157,927 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swampy! | 53% | 85 |
| #2 | Ballpark Frank | 51% | 73 |
| #3 | Dennis Fong | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | jolms | 49% | 235 |
| #5 | Hipot | 48% | 176 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Hipot | 48% | 176 |
| #6 | sam100 | 47% | 85 |
| #7 | WhoDroopsMcgee | 43% | 42 |
| #8 | keeeeeeef | 41% | 142 |
| #9 | lintybby | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jolms | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | keeeeeeef | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | sam100 | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Ballpark Frank | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | WhoDroopsMcgee | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jolms | 530 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #2 | Hipot | 258 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | sam100 | 237 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | keeeeeeef | 185 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Swampy! | 172 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lintybby | +2.38 | 92 | 57 |
| #2 | boby | +1.81 | 73 | 59 |
| #3 | sam100 | +0.53 | 68 | 63 |
| #4 | Ballpark Frank | +0.35 | 56 | 63 |
| #5 | Hipot | +0.34 | 58 | 56 |





