








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 633 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 106 matches | ||
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5514 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,690 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2259 | 17% |
| Smokes | 4435 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3155 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3841 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,194,661 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swampy! | 58% | 60 |
| #2 | yoshi_spitting_juice.wav | 50% | 132 |
| #3 | mod | 48% | 218 |
| #4 | Ballpark Frank | 47% | 384 |
| #5 | Sergei Jerkmenoff | 45% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yoshi_spitting_juice.wav | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Ballpark Frank | 4 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Swampy! | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | mod | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #5 | charles | 1 | 0.0002 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ballpark Frank | 722 | 0.09 | 20 min |
| #2 | mod | 544 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #3 | charles | 521 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #4 | yoshi_spitting_juice.wav | 165 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Sergei Jerkmenoff | 103 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yAMI | +3.50 | 88 | 58 |
| #2 | Swampy! | -0.10 | 62 | 42 |
| #3 | mod | -0.33 | 80 | 60 |
| #4 | yoshi_spitting_juice.wav | -0.50 | 59 | 56 |
| #5 | Ballpark Frank | -1.46 | 59 | 56 |





