








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 457 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 284 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4261 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,947 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3749 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2341 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3914 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2943 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $767,057 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 313 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FASA | 86% | 21 |
| #2 | teaR♡ | 75% | 28 |
| #3 | BobbyShmrdz | 73% | 33 |
| #4 | zzyor | 73% | 33 |
| #5 | m1 | 73% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | flusha | 60% | 161 |
| #12 | H | 60% | 20 |
| #13 | queefing bunnies | 59% | 41 |
| #14 | Shaedy | 58% | 24 |
| #15 | SwedishSloth | 57% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lil rigger | 11 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | flusha | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | GoldenWRLD ♥ | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | m1 | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | SlickChip | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flusha | 975 | 0.29 | 33 min |
| #2 | GoldenWRLD ♥ | 387 | 0.26 | 12 min |
| #3 | queefing bunnies | 219 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #4 | lil rigger | 204 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #5 | SlickChip | 174 | 0.16 | 5 min |





