








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Esplay | 1 match | 1,440 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
923 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,420 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 101 | 4% |
| Smokes | 652 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 772 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 895 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $468,091 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | BOT McDreaamyy | 44% | 18 |
| #7 | isak | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | LaZy GuY | 37% | 35 |
| #9 | El NiñO | 35% | 17 |
| #10 | Ragnarök | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Devul | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Beng4n | 7 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | LaZy GuY | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | IZY | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | BOT McDreaamyy | 3 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beng4n | 145 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #2 | LaZy GuY | 101 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | IZY | 101 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Devul | 93 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | isak | 39 | 0.22 | 1 min |





