








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 111 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1397 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1563 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2278 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1532 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2256 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $415,630 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SharkFly | 59% | 78 |
| #2 | LifesizePenguin | 57% | 114 |
| #3 | Samboucaaa | 53% | 81 |
| #4 | uBUYPOWER | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Psychopomp | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SharkFly | 59% | 78 |
| #2 | LifesizePenguin | 57% | 114 |
| #3 | Samboucaaa | 53% | 81 |
| #4 | uBUYPOWER | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Psychopomp | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SharkFly | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | LifesizePenguin | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | Samboucaaa | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | uBUYPOWER | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LifesizePenguin | 606 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #2 | Samboucaaa | 300 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #3 | SharkFly | 240 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Psychopomp | 27 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | uBUYPOWER | 11 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Psychopomp | +2.03 | 85 | 40 |
| #2 | SharkFly | +1.74 | 77 | 65 |
| #3 | Samboucaaa | +0.97 | 52 | 75 |
| #4 | LifesizePenguin | +0.07 | 68 | 63 |
| #5 | American Steve | -1.70 | 43 | 61 |





