








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 809 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7447 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,933 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12566 | 38% |
| Smokes | 8743 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4973 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 6651 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,341,247 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 867 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeremy♛ | 61% | 76 |
| #2 | rice | 54% | 123 |
| #3 | phil | 54% | 355 |
| #4 | FaintSmile | 52% | 46 |
| #5 | Mr. Make U Sweat | 51% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | potato | 1381 | 0.28 | 41 min |
| #2 | phil | 1153 | 0.16 | 25 min |
| #3 | rice | 607 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #4 | unc | 524 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #5 | lum | 344 | 0.11 | 9 min |





