








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
286 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 788 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5 | 1% |
| Smokes | 54 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 435 | 55% |
| Molotovs | 294 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $151,257 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MidgetTerminator | 46% | 26 |
| #2 | DonLeviathan | 43% | 37 |
| #3 | Gotnoodles? | 42% | 33 |
| #4 | Blamed | 39% | 46 |
| #5 | Roon | 29% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Roon | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Blamed | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonLeviathan | 79 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Gotnoodles? | 46 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Roon | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Blamed | 20 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | MidgetTerminator | 20 | 0.04 | 0 min |





