








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 627 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 251 matches | ||
| Premier | 182 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6947 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11366 | 39% |
| Smokes | 8875 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4945 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3859 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,701,602 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 737 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | somean | 58% | 57 |
| #12 | rusty | 55% | 111 |
| #13 | game is cooked | 55% | 62 |
| #14 | amrasyrf | 55% | 110 |
| #15 | oppsmeister | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YOUR MOM | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | RMZ | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | x140 | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | hack = retard | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | <Yami | 3 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <Yami | 1505 | 0.19 | 41 min |
| #2 | YOUR MOM | 886 | 0.25 | 17 min |
| #3 | RMZ | 689 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #4 | hack = retard | 669 | 0.21 | 15 min |
| #5 | x140 | 653 | 0.13 | 15 min |





