








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 701 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 67 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,609 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4272 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4730 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3087 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3520 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $714,437 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 233 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I Have Erectile Dysfunction | 57% | 77 |
| #2 | priitkrediit | 52% | 151 |
| #3 | VampirePimp2018 | 51% | 214 |
| #4 | Anti Korki | 50% | 70 |
| #5 | jonatan | 48% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jonatan | 27 | 0.0219 |
| #2 | priitkrediit | 20 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | VampirePimp2018 | 17 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | I Have Erectile Dysfunction | 13 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Anti Korki | 9 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VampirePimp2018 | 1043 | 0.24 | 28 min |
| #2 | priitkrediit | 363 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Anti Korki | 324 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #4 | I Have Erectile Dysfunction | 140 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | jonatan | 117 | 0.10 | 3 min |





