








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 586 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1558 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,592 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2403 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2545 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2051 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1593 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $700,304 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 188 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daddy^ | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | V1VER | 57% | 51 |
| #3 | Zalman | 56% | 34 |
| #4 | Dead_Dont | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | Jephferi | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalman | 99 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | DUNK3N | 48 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Stahl | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dead_Dont | 40 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Daddy^ | 26 | 0.11 | 1 min |





