








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,368 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 294 | 21% |
| Smokes | 428 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 232 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 414 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $338,364 of utility $290 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 97 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quzga | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | jimpan | 83% | 6 |
| #3 | Xerlius | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Zombanator | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | cyb3rb3m0n | 56% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | tejAs | 55% | 31 |
| #7 | Maxxen | 54% | 13 |
| #8 | TbsKiritoS | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 36% | 11 |
| #10 | Jynks- | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 3 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | cyb3rb3m0n | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Zombanator | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | jimpan | 1 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | TbsKiritoS | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cyb3rb3m0n | 128 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | Zombanator | 61 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #3 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 35 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Maxxen | 34 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jynks- | 34 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maxxen | +2.97 | 85 | 71 |
| #2 | cyb3rb3m0n | +1.91 | 77 | 63 |
| #3 | Zombanator | +1.04 | 74 | 55 |
| #4 | Quzga | +0.64 | 68 | 61 |
| #5 | jimpan | +0.58 | 71 | 65 |





