








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 98 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1391 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,577 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1309 | 29% |
| Smokes | 952 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1012 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1304 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,819 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Manlet | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | Lappis | 52% | 73 |
| #3 | زنجي | 50% | 68 |
| #4 | Waldo | 49% | 101 |
| #5 | hemorrhoid hunter | 48% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | boobpiss | 44% | 36 |
| #10 | Kinderi | 44% | 61 |
| #11 | Jaax | 43% | 81 |
| #12 | santtulanttu | 40% | 20 |
| #13 | Jozé45 Blyat | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boobpiss | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Nug3tt1x | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Waldo | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Lappis | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | زنجي | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nug3tt1x | 299 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | زنجي | 277 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #3 | Waldo | 238 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Jaax | 235 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #5 | boobpiss | 149 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Manlet | +6.08 | 80 | 63 |
| #2 | veksi | +2.48 | 74 | 67 |
| #3 | hemorrhoid hunter | +1.85 | 66 | 51 |
| #4 | Nug3tt1x | +1.40 | 61 | 74 |
| #5 | زنجي | +0.89 | 61 | 65 |





