








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 212 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
689 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 623 | 24% |
| Smokes | 626 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 991 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 389 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $435,265 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 172 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calc(short for calculator) | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | O l d G r a v y | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | cutie patootie | 67% | 15 |
| #4 | John Marston :> | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Toshii :> | 50% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calc(short for calculator) | 4 | 0.0212 |
| #2 | Flown | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Toshii :> | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | cutie patootie | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | - Gera | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flown | 82 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Toshii :> | 49 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | - Gera | 42 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | aj | 42 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | John Marston :> | 38 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Marston :> | +5.06 | 74 | 51 |
| #2 | cutie patootie | +4.99 | 75 | 65 |
| #3 | calc(short for calculator) | +4.82 | 80 | 48 |
| #4 | Toshii :> | +4.06 | 75 | 63 |
| #5 | Flown | +2.92 | 85 | 57 |





