








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,349 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1662 | 38% |
| Smokes | 943 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1044 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 700 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $353,452 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i pop the pain away | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | Casio | 52% | 50 |
| #3 | NoL!fe | Reallynube | 50% | 135 |
| #4 | NoL!fe | Cubkeka | 50% | 135 |
| #5 | Shifty | 48% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i pop the pain away | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | Casio | 52% | 50 |
| #3 | NoL!fe | Reallynube | 50% | 135 |
| #4 | NoL!fe | Cubkeka | 50% | 135 |
| #5 | Shifty | 48% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i pop the pain away | 6 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | NoL!fe | Cubkeka | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | NoL!fe | Reallynube | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Shifty | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoL!fe | Reallynube | 786 | 0.29 | 17 min |
| #2 | NoL!fe | Cubkeka | 176 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | i pop the pain away | 145 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #4 | Shifty | 113 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Casio | 77 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoL!fe | Reallynube | +3.70 | 67 | 67 |
| #2 | NoL!fe | ✪IntenZe | +2.17 | 68 | 54 |
| #3 | i pop the pain away | +1.68 | 68 | 59 |
| #4 | Casio | +0.52 | 79 | 47 |
| #5 | Shifty | -1.44 | 54 | 54 |





