








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
512 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,030 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 551 | 27% |
| Smokes | 533 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 544 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 402 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $172,708 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pepe | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | Blob | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | Ice poppin jr | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | johnybee | 63% | 35 |
| #5 | midget | 62% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | midget | 62% | 13 |
| #6 | Serioža | 61% | 18 |
| #7 | A M B | 56% | 18 |
| #8 | Furbert | 54% | 28 |
| #9 | steak. | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | johnybee | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Serioža | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | A M B | 2 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | midget | 1 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Blob | 1 | 0.0133 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | johnybee | 140 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Furbert | 89 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Serioža | 78 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | steak. | 51 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | A M B | 41 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | johnybee | +3.66 | 81 | 80 |
| #2 | Ice poppin jr | +1.98 | 65 | 72 |
| #3 | Furbert | +0.74 | 75 | 62 |
| #4 | jamanlele | +0.12 | 77 | 63 |
| #5 | Blob | +0.07 | 88 | 70 |





