








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 205 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Faceit | 105 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Renown | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,584 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4965 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6378 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4934 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4307 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $989,600 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 599 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wollo_cs | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | jonrazz_ | 57% | 101 |
| #3 | Make a Wish Kid | 57% | 135 |
| #4 | Sharke | 56% | 84 |
| #5 | kidfisto | 55% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Make a Wish Kid | 11 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Sharke | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Eriksen96 | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | jonrazz_ | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | kidfisto | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eriksen96 | 415 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | Sharke | 314 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | jonrazz_ | 270 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | Make a Wish Kid | 259 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | kidfisto | 227 | 0.09 | 6 min |





