








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 269 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 244 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2743 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,375 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1756 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3000 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4303 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 2316 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,165,510 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 411 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nigel Thornberry | 49% | 73 |
| #2 | A-Train | 49% | 134 |
| #3 | Cool WaNg WaNGanG | 48% | 160 |
| #4 | tont | 45% | 20 |
| #5 | Funky Frank | 44% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nigel Thornberry | 49% | 73 |
| #2 | A-Train | 49% | 134 |
| #3 | Cool WaNg WaNGanG | 48% | 160 |
| #4 | tont | 45% | 20 |
| #5 | Funky Frank | 44% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A-Train | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Cool WaNg WaNGanG | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Funky Frank | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | tont | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | Nigel Thornberry | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funky Frank | 345 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #2 | A-Train | 176 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Cool WaNg WaNGanG | 151 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | Nigel Thornberry | 58 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | tont | 56 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A-Train | +0.45 | 65 | 56 |
| #2 | Icy Rex | +0.33 | 42 | 76 |
| #3 | tont | +0.23 | 60 | 56 |
| #4 | Funky Frank | +0.15 | 63 | 73 |
| #5 | Nigel Thornberry | -0.40 | 63 | 49 |





