








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1163 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 351 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4889 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,635 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2208 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1399 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2165 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1863 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,301,737 of utility $250 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Kornflakes12345 | 48% | 29 |
| #10 | αRalfalfa | 48% | 25 |
| #11 | Juli8n | 44% | 25 |
| #12 | boehmiboYY | 37% | 41 |
| #13 | X-Black ♛Prince of Nigeria♛ | 29% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cpt.Vollkornn | 18 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | -m0a- | 7 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Trudes | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | X-Black ♛Prince of Nigeria♛ | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | smn! | 2 | 0.0025 |





