








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 454 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 210 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2095 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,043 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2079 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2226 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3900 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1838 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,381,072 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 227 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B4M | 48% | 235 |
| #2 | Don`t HASSEL the HOFF | 45% | 228 |
| #3 | FunkJok3r | 44% | 189 |
| #4 | Janitor Tom | 42% | 140 |
| #5 | B3X | 40% | 251 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Don`t HASSEL the HOFF | 45% | 228 |
| #3 | FunkJok3r | 44% | 189 |
| #4 | Janitor Tom | 42% | 140 |
| #5 | B3X | 40% | 251 |
| #6 | MÆRV | 39% | 156 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B4M | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Don`t HASSEL the HOFF | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Janitor Tom | 10 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | B3X | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | FunkJok3r | 6 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B3X | 1035 | 0.20 | 29 min |
| #2 | B4M | 672 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #3 | FunkJok3r | 590 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #4 | Don`t HASSEL the HOFF | 393 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #5 | Janitor Tom | 139 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Janitor Tom | +4.67 | 75 | 53 |
| #2 | B4M | +1.67 | 39 | 65 |
| #3 | Don`t HASSEL the HOFF | +0.90 | 51 | 56 |
| #4 | MÆRV | -0.35 | 30 | 36 |
| #5 | Colonia | -1.37 | 29 | 59 |





