








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 180 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1062 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,770 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 703 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1077 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 963 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1027 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $357,332 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hasse Karlsson | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | francas | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | DEX=DDD | 71% | 7 |
| #4 | Kubiitzi | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | Spinkxey | 64% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | - j c s | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | BurgirB0b | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | honk | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Joakiiiimmm | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Majjgaard | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | - j c s | 232 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | Kalabaliiki | 129 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Joakiiiimmm | 101 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Spinkxey | 87 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | honk | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DEX=DDD | +5.08 | 87 | 65 |
| #2 | honk | +4.49 | 91 | 67 |
| #3 | - j c s | +3.87 | 86 | 76 |
| #4 | Kalabaliiki | +0.68 | 59 | 70 |
| #5 | Hugers^ | -0.61 | 56 | 63 |





