








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 207 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 207 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2227 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,490 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3196 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2727 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2502 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2065 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $841,590 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 61 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ivan The Horrible | 52% | 66 |
| #7 | JolinG | 48% | 29 |
| #8 | ツ KEVINxd ツ | 47% | 34 |
| #9 | n00RBERG' | 44% | 27 |
| #10 | Heli ✧ | 44% | 16 |





