








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 297 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1373 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,803 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1731 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1130 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 820 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1122 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $394,061 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 165 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jax | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | Fern | 57% | 49 |
| #3 | Lawly (Cache pleasure-seeker) | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | Woapalana | 56% | 52 |
| #5 | AncientBeast | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jax | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | Fern | 57% | 49 |
| #3 | Lawly (Cache pleasure-seeker) | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | Woapalana | 56% | 52 |
| #5 | AncientBeast | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lawly (Cache pleasure-seeker) | 4 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | Woapalana | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Fern | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AncientBeast | 94 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | Woapalana | 84 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Fern | 60 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jax | 52 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lawly (Cache pleasure-seeker) | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jax | +4.61 | 87 | 80 |
| #2 | Fern | +3.08 | 76 | 51 |
| #3 | RunicTie | +1.94 | 86 | 66 |
| #4 | Lawly (Cache pleasure-seeker) | -0.07 | 89 | 61 |
| #5 | AncientBeast | -2.24 | 61 | 67 |





