








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 796 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 460 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3974 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,876 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6148 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7318 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5596 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4814 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,927,790 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 725 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ΓlΓ€lΓΆΓΆ | 61% | 36 |
| #2 | tonz / | 57% | 40 |
| #3 | Hattutehdas Oy | 57% | 44 |
| #4 | pentti kΓΆyri | 57% | 30 |
| #5 | βͺdiMEESio | 54% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Gangrene | 48% | 172 |
| #12 | Nidelix | 44% | 64 |
| #13 | Meggala | 44% | 144 |
| #14 | βπ²π²ππ’π―π±π± β | 40% | 139 |
| #15 | Hullukukko | 31% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meggala | 364 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | kaapo | 326 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | Space Pussy | 320 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | DrGerhard1 | 319 | 0.26 | 8 min |
| #5 | βͺdiMEESio | 303 | 0.16 | 8 min |





