








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1216 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1073 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 191 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




103 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6725 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,489 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3263 | 11% |
| Smokes | 8275 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 9236 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 9715 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,438,237 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1987 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sQuirt | 53% | 138 |
| #2 | sledge_hammer_666 | 46% | 584 |
| #3 | Areoon | 44% | 82 |
| #4 | muerfx | 43% | 90 |
| #5 | DrMedDenRasen | 37% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sQuirt | 53% | 138 |
| #2 | sledge_hammer_666 | 46% | 584 |
| #3 | Areoon | 44% | 82 |
| #4 | muerfx | 43% | 90 |
| #5 | DrMedDenRasen | 37% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sledge_hammer_666 | 14 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | DrMedDenRasen | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | muerfx | 7 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | sQuirt | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Areoon | 5 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrMedDenRasen | 336 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | sQuirt | 207 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | Areoon | 156 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | muerfx | 102 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | sledge_hammer_666 | 80 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrMedDenRasen | -0.05 | 36 | 67 |
| #2 | Ⓢ︎Ⓘ︎Ⓖ︎Ⓖ︎Ⓘ | -0.12 | 22 | 48 |
| #3 | Areoon | -1.14 | 22 | 64 |
| #4 | muerfx | -1.22 | 36 | 47 |
| #5 | sledge_hammer_666 | -1.41 | 11 | 31 |





