








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 283 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 122 matches | ||
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2386 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,557 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3822 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2410 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1796 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2529 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $527,701 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doctor Thunder | 83% | 12 |
| #2 | Yellow Flash | 76% | 25 |
| #3 | goofy ah | 65% | 34 |
| #4 | stazzz | 60% | 80 |
| #5 | KingZeus | 58% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stazzz | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | slink | 4 | 0.0133 |
| #3 | KingZeus | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | goofy ah | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | LaLune | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stazzz | 297 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #2 | KingZeus | 164 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | goofy ah | 137 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Yellow Flash | 109 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #5 | booty bandit | 54 | 0.12 | 1 min |





